Dirt premiered on January 2, 2007 on the FX channel. It is a drama that stars Courteney Cox. She plays Lucy Spiller, the editor-in-chief of the magazines “Dirt” and “Now”. The story threads revolve around Hollywood stars and the paparazzi that are constantly attempting to obtain photos and scandalous information by following them. Besides Lucy, Ian Holm portrays Don Konkey, a functioning schizophrenic freelance photographer that is extremely good friends with Lucy, and does whatever she requests. In addition to him are Holt McLaren and Julia Mallory, a hot Hollywood couple who are trying to keep their movie careers flying high.

Eventually, the two magazines Lucy heads are combined into one called “DirtNow.” Each episode shows Lucy driving her staff to retrieve a story that can make the next cover and sell millions of issues. Otherwise, the fame of Holt and Julia rises and falls, Don is always battling his sickness due to hating his medication, Willa McPherson is an up and coming reporter doing her best to get a break, and Lucy’s brother Leo is a homosexual who has started a relationship with a very famous and “hetero” action star. Numerous side-plots are weaved in and out of the episodes as the season progresses, while the long running theme deals with the suicide of Lucy’s father, and how it affected her.

Dirt has to be one of the worst shows I have watched in quite some time. From the beginning of the pilot, it was one gigantic downward slope in terms of creativity and story quality. This is a series that deals primarily with our obsession with Hollywood celebrities, scandals, and tabloid journalism. For me personally, Dirt focuses on everything I detest about Hollywood, so that is a strike in my book right away. However, the flaws, inconsistencies, and laziness of this series are enormous in number. Allow me to explain a few. To begin my list of complaints is the fact that the plots of almost each episode are exactly the same with no advancement. Lucy needs a cover, and will do anything to get it, but rest assured Don will get the picture. Dirt blatantly uses all the real life scandals we have experienced over the years, and simply copies them into this season with hardly any alterations except for names obviously. For example, among the topics with eerie similarities are: Tupac Shakur’s death, the Kobe Bryant incident, Jessica Simpson and her sister, and so forth. This is just aggravating. I didn’t want to pay attention to them as they were actually transpiring, let alone listening to them again via fictional television.

But this can be absorbing to some right? Sure. I’m not done yet though. The acting is abominable. I could tolerate Courteney Cox at some points, but at other times, it is crystal clear that she is struggling with the putrid material put in front of her. The one character I really didn’t mind was Don Konkey, depicted wonderfully by Ian Holm. Unfortunately for Ian, his character’s schizophrenia becomes preposterous, lame, and outrageously stupid with surreal elements galore. He talks to various imaginary personalities, including a dead actress, whom he has sex with, she becomes pregnant, and gives birth to baby kittens. No, I did not make that up. Josh Stewart is Holt McLaren, and he leads me to the next huge blemish. Dirt wants to steal a bit of Entourage’s thunder by revealing certain aspects of Hollywood from the standpoint of a fictional star. Vincent Chase acted like he could be a legitimate star, and he accepted genuine sounding scripts. Holt McLaren is a depressing goofball who is set to star in the future blockbuster action franchise Hard Charger. Sounds like a title Steven Seagal would pass on. I cannot observe, at any moment, how someone could think Stewart has the traits to play a “Hollywood star.” His eyes give the impression that he is on drugs 24/7, he talks like a zombie, and conveys no charisma at any time. That goes double for his girlfriend Julia Mallory, portrayed by Laura Allen. She is so irritating so fast it will boggle your mind.

The continuity is horribly handled. One minute, the scandal will leave a huge impact, and the details of them would make you think you’ll be hearing about it for several episodes. Not true. Many of them are simply dismissed, and never heard from again, which prevents anyone from really connecting to this universe. The characters take actions so drastic, rogue, and insane that lawsuits and charges would most certainly be brought against them. Not on Dirt. Oh you’ll hear people threaten a lawsuit, but it never transpires. In the real world, celebrities are fighting back against the paparazzi who abuse their lives.

A fitting word to describe Dirt is sleazy. If you disagree with the faults I have listed, then I have another. Creator Matthew Carnahan has no clue how to adequately construct an hour long drama. When he can’t think of a scene, which is often, he just inserts another gratuitous sex sequence, or a scene of someone doing drugs. This accounts for a significant portion of the length, and if deleted, Dirt could easily be a half hour series. Apparently, Courteney Cox was embarrassed by her sex scenes, and ordered husband and Executive Producer David Arquette off the set. I am still contemplating how this was picked up for a second season. My only guess is the power of the guest stars, which I will discuss further in the episode summaries. Dirt is a bad show. I can’t say it any plainer than that.